Life's Twists and Turns

So, I am going to be gainfully employed once again. I'm excited.

Here's the kicker. We're moving to Florida. At first I thought the road trip would have to be canceled, but then I realized, it doesn't really matter what the destination is, we really are on a trip no matter what. So our cross country adventure has changed a bit, life has created a new road map for adventure for me, both literally and spiritually.

I am currently writing this from my desk in my room in Pittston, PA, where we currently (for the next week) reside. As I type, I'm surrounded by piles of personal items and boxes, that have been pulled out of drawers, closets and shelves, so that I can pack my things. I hate this kind of chaos.

So here's what has gone on on the past several weeks. I went on an interview and landed the job. Simple enough it seems, but in this economy it seems like a major feat. In addition, I went on a massive and quick search for a place to live, and came up with one half of a duplex in a great area of Fort Lauderdale. Thankfully, my history of living there, coupled with my friends and family still living there helped making the search for a place to live a little easier. The schools are great, so I'm excited about that for my kids.

Next, I began the drive back north... stopping briefly in Atlanta to see a friend (while I was half awake and feeling ridiculously tired from the overnight drive) for his birthday lunch. I continued north to Greenville and slept well for one night then packed up and drove north again to Pennsylvania, where I arrived at a god-awful time in the morning somewhere around 4:30am, and collapsed into my bed.

That felt fantastic.

The past two days have been anxiety filled for the most part, trying to come up with a plan, secure a truck, try to find someone to drive it, try to pack up my belongings and those of my four children's in 5 days and turn around to head south again. Yeah, anxiety. Thankfully the kids are enjoying this... and have been quite helpful in ditching a lot of the unnecessary stuff.

Our place in Fort Lauderdale is considerably smaller than here, so we are really just going to try and take our basics.

I feel like a gypsy. I long for the chance to be settled somewhere... despite the plans to travel extensively, I just really wish I had a permanent home base. I envy people who haven't moved their place of residence.

So I am taking a quick break from the packing tonight simply because it was too hot today to do much of it, and then tonight we've been going full force since dinner, now I am taking a few minutes after a phone call to sort through random thoughts in my head.

I met someone I am really interested in getting to know better while I was in Florida. He doesn't live nearby, but he does travel there a lot for business. We had a "date" night if you will, but what has surprised me was that he kept in touch... and continues to do so. I also enjoyed being treated like a lady. Despite being a northerner by birth, this guy has manners and southern charm all over him. I guess we have that part in common. Haha!

Anyway, because it's just interest at this point, and nothing more, I- as always- keep an eye open. One night, while still in Florida, I had maybe one beer too many while out with my friend Jessica, and when I got home to the empty condo (kids were with their dad), I sent a text to Jon.

It was pretty straightforward, asking why he felt the need to hurt me so much when all I ever did was love him.

Gotta love those kind of texts.

After a brief dialogue, I felt that I had said my piece, and left it as, you knew where I have stood, you know what I want... if you want it as badly as you have said you do, the ball's in your court... just hope I'm still available for the game when you decide what to do.

I didn't get the chance to be clear with him in Maryland.

Anyway, I felt pretty good about it and it felt like I closed the door on the whole situation... Obviously, he wasn't about to make any changes, and I was making every change in the world.

It was the last contact I had with him. Until tonight.

He called tonight, and honestly, it wasn't about anything other than checking in... he dropped his son off at the airport, was on his way back home, and he decided to call me. I was cordial, but not at all anything else. I won't talk to him again unless he calls. I told him I was moving later this week, and explained where, and told him about the job, etc. So he was caught up on my life... in that I was moving forward.

I am always surprised when he does that... he knocks me off kilter all the time with that. But I can say that this time, it didn't hurt as much. I have done a pretty good job of bolting off that door and moving on to the next one.

I look forward to the future, I look forward to the chance of finding someone to spend my life with... to have fun with, to settle down with... and just the ability to raise my kids and send them off as young adults with potential for greatness. I pray that I will find love and build a happy home of my own. I know that it's out there for me. Somewhere.

I had a conversation with a guy the other night that I've known for over a year and we were talking about ourselves when we were younger. I found myself sharing memories that I hadn't ever mentioned to anyone before, it wasn't that they were difficult, it was just they were nearly forgotten. It was interesting to realize in that moment that I wasn't holding back any part of me, I was just speaking in the moment, some things that were very personal to me, but yet, it was comfortable. I enjoyed that moment right there. We laughed about the silly things we did as kids. I feel stronger knowing that the Beatles were right.. "I Get By with a little help from my friends".

Rambling is probably my strongest writing ability in the whole free-journaling experiment here. I will start in one place and end up somewhere completely different. But that's what makes what I do more honest. It's that moment where you just start typing and let your brain take the words where you need them to be. There are so many times I just let myself type and then when I re-read what I've written, my conundrum in life suddenly makes sense again. Odd, but it works.

I have to get back to packing, but I know I've written a lot about Jon in this particular blog, and I felt it was probably best to get him out of my head and into this journal before I went crazy analyzing his motives for calling me... which were probably just because he was lonely and sad that he dropped off his son and he knew I would understand. That's probably it.

Besides, my newish interest in the new guy I've met is helping me to see that men who really want you will chase you. Men who are truly interested will make it a point to stay in touch with you, to show you that you're wanted and needed...

Side note again, I watched Shopgirl (Claire Danes) Friday night, and it was really good. Odd, but good. One of those movies where you didn't really think the ending was going to go that way, but it did. And it was okay for doing that... more like the way life really plays out.

Ok, it's nearly ten pm and I think I'm just going to hit the sack, go to bed and pack more tomorrow. A good night's rest will surely help me more than packing tonight and being tired tomorrow.

I'm Florida bound in a few days again!!! Whoohoo! Ok, now, anyone wanna drive a truck from PA to FL?