We're in Nashville/Love's Twists and Turns

We arrived in Nashville somewhere around 1am, Central Daylight time. Our detour through Skyline Drive added a lot of drive time. It was a great little excursion though. As Frankie posted, I was really excited to break in the National Parks Annual Pass.

The drive was long, but familiar. I always enjoy long trips because once the kids settle down at night, I usually have a lot of time to think for myself. It's a soul searching kind of drive.

Last night, in particular, was a little different. Frankie was my little co-pilot until about 1am Eastern Standard Time, and ended up crashing out not long after I received a phone call from my good friend Jon.

Jon is the only man I have ever considered marrying after my divorce. I never knew that a love like that existed until the minute I met him. I had always hoped it existed, but never fully believed that love at first sight was something real. I was attracted to him before I officially met him through friends, but with each passing conversation, it was like he was hand delivered and custom ordered just for me. He is such a wonderful man and loves his children with every cell in his body. His daily sacrifices to provide as much as he can for them, make it so he has to work a job that takes him physically away from them. It's wearing on his mind, body and soul. We had talked about creating a life together and settling down in the town where his kids live (he grew up there) ages ago... but he thought it was impossible to be able to survive on a salary if he was at home instead of on the road (significant pay cut) and still be able to provide for his children the way he's used to.

Anyway, I had my own life and divorce paperwork and children's lives to manage, so between the two of us we mutually decided to stay friends and concentrate on our children's lives, and settle our own affairs while remaining in touch, but not being together.

Last night, I got a phone call where he said everything I've waited years to hear... while driving through Tennessee and after arriving. I'm still processing all the information, and I'm still taking time to absorb it. It was fairly simple and straightforward what he said... including "I love you, and always have", "People tell me I look so happy when I'm with you, and I know they're right, I am", and my personal favorite- "I don't just want you in my life, I have realized I need you in my life because it's like there's a hole there that I'm unable to fill with anything else."

I told him we'd have to take it slow and see how it all worked out because while I felt the same, I wanted to make sure he was sure about his revelation. His children are coming in on Thursday to be with him in Maryland for 3 weeks. He invited me and the kids to come up to spend some time with him and his kids (our children have never met each other, but we've met each other's children, because of our situations) and he wanted us to all go to Williamsburg together for a weekend (including a Busch Gardens excursion for the kids).

I had wanted to go to Williamsburg with the kids at some point anyway, but this would be even more perfect. I realize I would be doubling back a bit, but if I can swing it, and in light of recent events, I have no problem cutting my trip in TN back a bit, and then visiting there before heading to Greenville. I'm not willing to make any sort of snap decision right now, but in another day when I finish processing this, I will figure it out. I've got to talk to some of my friends and have them help me sort it out in my head. I need my friends/family so I can bounce this around and make sense of something that still feels surreal. Loving him and creating a home together makes perfect sense to me, but then again, I've loved him for almost two years.

I've wanted to have our children meet for ages, but it has never worked out and has never been possible. I realize I'm going off on a ridiculous tangent, but again, it's just one of those little life altering moments.

He spoke last night about working together to build a home for our children and ourselves. That we both deserved to be happy, and he realized that next to spending time with his children, he is always happiest just spending time in my general presence. He said he can imagine and looks forward to the possibility of growing old with me.

How would you react to that? The one man you've really loved since the very second you met him, years before... and who has always been open and honest that he's had the same feelings, but were both held back through different life situations and responsibilities.... oh, I'm going to have to really think on this some more.

Back to the trip, we arrived at my friend Mark's place in Nashville last night, and the kids and I crashed in his spare bedroom on an air mattress that has a small known leak. By morning, I was sleeping with the kids in an air mattress hammock. Ha! We were all very tired, but thankful to have a soft place to land last night.

After a quick run to Aldi, we grabbed breakfast supplies and I cooked the whole crew here breakfast. Eggs, bacon and buttermilk biscuits. It was delicious.

I've posted some of the pictures on the facebook page of our trip down here... and now we're getting ready to meet up with my friend JJ and her kids to go swimming at the pool in their apartment complex. Later, we'll meet up with Todd and Laura and his kids.

I think I'm going to take some time to figure this out in my head. Until then, I'll be soaking up the Tennessee sun, enjoying my children's laughter and re-thinking the rest of my life while sitting by the pool.